How funny are you?

JoJoCieCie asked: Can you come up with something funny or clever for a Hallmark Card?
Here’s a few examples:
THINGS THAT HALLMARK CARDS DON’T SAY
My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat
When I looked at the tire…
I noticed your cat.
Sorry!
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Heard your wife left you,
How upset you must be.
But don’t fret about it…
She moved in with me.
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Congratulations on [...]