Happy birthday to you,
I got you some money and shoes,
Because when you are happy,
That fills me with glee.

You reached puberty
you’re finally there
I won’t tell anyone
You had to stand on a chair

i was going to give you a large sum of money for your b.day,
unfortunitely the guard at the mall fountain stopped me

3 reasons why i misseed your wedding
1.i had a lumpy tire until i saw a racoon
2.i don’t believe in marriage even though i’m married
3.i’m busy in the bathroom
4.i forgot…i hate your husband.

Congradulations, Your getting a wonder man,
He didnt even touch any of the strippers at the party,
Only the Men!

With deepest sympathy
On your 40th birthday

sorry to hear your father died
(but theres one less to buy for at christmas!)

congrats on your 5th wedding anniversary!
we all gave you guys 6 months tops

well done on passing your driving test
touch my car and youll never have children

happy 80th birthday grandma
now die and give me that bungalow

when at this card you look
and at this card you frown
think of the one who spoilt your card
by writing upside down

When you get married and live in a tree
Send me a coconut C.O.D.